I confuse myself...
I don't know what I think, why I do what I do, I don't know my own opinion a lot of the time and I feel guilty for even having an opinion when I do. Why is that? I 'know' things rationally but I can't translate that into really knowing something. I am envious of people who are sure of themselves. Who know what they want and feel that it okay to go for it. I think that I often make decisions on what I feel people think I should do.
Does that sound confusing? Well it is. If I am asked what show I want to watch, I don't think about the show I want to watch. No, I think about what show the other person would like to watch, then I think about whether I want to watch it and if I don't I just go with it anyway. I have to force myself to think about what show I want to watch. And that is with everything. Do I want a glass of wine? Do I want to watch a movie? Do I want to go out or stay in? Do I???
I have been hiding myself for so long and now that I am trying to find out what I want, I find that it is difficult. As a result I am often anxious, worried. I grind my teeth, I pick at my nails. Maybe I need to be more brave. Maybe I am making progress and I just have to be patient. Maybe I am selfish? Maybe I think to much? Maybe everyone else thinks about this stuff too? I just don't know.
I confuse myself...
3 comments:
Maybe think about the other person - what they want is to make you happy, that's why they ask. so instead of thinking about what they want to watch, think that they want you to be happy so you should think about what YOU want because doing it will make you happy which will make them happy.
I hope that makes sense?
It makes sense- just hard to do it sometimes but I am trying!
You're far from selfish if you keep thinking of others. You know what though, it's okay to do things for yourself every now and again. We need to be kind to ourselves, it's important. I think you need to be a tad more selfish and start thinking of yourself :)
Post a Comment