My friend and I

I was reading this and it got me thinking about people and friendships.

I think most people (well, girls at least) will have probably had to deal with hurtful and selfish people mascarading as friends. It is a very painful betrayal when the people we trust hurt us. It is even worse when there is no one brave enough to come to your defense.

I think just under the skin, we are still apes, grooming the most dominant, taking advantage of the less dominant...pretending to be better. In my case, I tried to move out of 'my place'. Instead of listening to my friends all the time, I also told them about my problems. I tried to face my fear and for the first time I even admitted my depression to them. But my 'friends' did not like this change. My 'job' was to listen and to provide advice. For 10 years I had listened and I honestly thought that I had actually done a diservice to my friends. I had never fully trusted them and I wanted to change that. But change is scary and some people don't want to change. In the end I was booted from the book club (yes, really) and told I was selfish and rude and uncaring.

Those words have only now started to lose their sting. And social networking systems really don't help. Of course, my friends were 'too grown up' to 'unfriend me' but instead (I don't think purposely), I was subjected to a hundred fun updates about friends I was now excluded from. After months, I finally hid the profiles so that their happy social life didn't continue to make me feel like a lonely loser. I still check on them from time to time. I was friends with them from when I was 13. Its a hard habit to break. But one thing I have to say is that I am glad I faced my fears. Yes, I opened up and got hurt but I also finally learnt who I could trust.

Spending your life acting as you think you should is not the right way. Whatever my DNA may say, I do not have to rely of the goodwill of the group for food and safety anymore. I can be my own person. And yes, there will always be people trying to dominate. Those who are scared of anyone who may take away their 'position'. But I know that I am worth more. I know that my friend who has also been affected by silly people is worth more. I know I can trust her. She listened to me mope when my Masters felt like it would never be finished. She understands that I get sad sometimes. She understood when I could not come out for months while I wrote up. And she deserved better. But unfortunately, we don't always get the friends we deserve. Some people take the easy route. So instead of standing up for someone, they sit back and pretend nothing is happening. I really do hope they are luckier than my friend and I- and that they don't find themselves in the same situation.

So, to my friend. Remember in primary school everyone told us we were 'big fish in a small pond?" well that's what the lab is like. Its a small pond filled with big fish. Those fish may stay there to stay big or swim into the ocean but either way, the small pond that they are currently in is slightly smelly and far too noisy. You are, at least brave enough to swim in the ocean! And you are better off...